No Friends

Guest Post by CatMom4Ever

I’ve lived on this planet for 28 years, without one friend to show for it. I’d have better luck on Mars: excavating rocks with the Rover, gossiping about their composition over brunch.

“Don’t bother with shale. It has a reputation for being flakey,” I’d gab, sipping a Mimosa in low gravity.

The Rover would squeak back a “hell ya!”, and give me a high five with its little robotic arm.

When I quit litigation for waitressing, I brought my killer instinct with me

Warning: Your Millennial Server May Be a Trial Lawyer

Please, don’t raise your voice and call me stupid when I bring you your lettuce wraps sans cashews.

Yes, I know you’re allergic to peanuts, not nut-nuts, but listen lady – okay, I get it, you were really looking forward to your cashews – but out of an abundance of caution the kitchen neglected putting them on your plate for reasons of cross-contamination, which, I would argue, meets the standard of a reasonably prudent establishment guarding against a civil lawsuit for your allergic reaction (gasp for air) …

Trust me, you do not want to wake the dragon, the fire-breathing litigator inside me, your 5-foot-1-inch server.